Iris Apfel

Style icon Iris Apfel shared her secret to a full and happy life. Here are some of here thoughts about getting older, dressing up and accepting yourself, wrinkles and all.

Being yourself is always in style

"Style is in your DNA. You can learn to be fashionable and to have good taste, but style is something within. It's a matter of attitude. It's the way you look at things, the way you think about things, and it's the way you present yourself. And the best way to do that is to be yourself, not try to copy somebody. Your originality is so important."

Don’t obsess over your age

“I never think about my age. Maybe that’s the ticket. I never think about it — it’s a passing thought. It’s just a number. … I’ve found that work is very healthy for me. I love what I do and I put my heart and soul into it,” she says.

It’s true, “Gettin’ old ain’t for sissies,” Apfel admits. But so what? “You start falling apart, but you just have to buck up and paste yourself together. You may not like getting older, but what’s the alternative? You’re here. Embrace it. I say put your experience to work, to give something back to other people.” 

When something excites you, go for it

I just feel things in my gut and I do them. If something sounds exciting and interesting I do it — and then I worry about it later. Doing new things takes a lot of energy and strength. It’s very tiring to make things happen, to learn how to master a skill, to push fears aside. Most people would rather just go with the flow; it’s much easier. But it’s not very interesting.”

To stay young, you have to think young

“When you get older, as I often paraphrase an old family friend, if you have two of anything, chances are one of them is going to hurt when you get up in the morning. But you have to get up and move beyond the pain. If you want to stay young, you have to think young. Having a sense of wonder, a sense of humor, and a sense of curiosity — these are my tonic,” she says. “They keep you young, childlike, open to new people and things, ready for another adventure. I never want to be an old fuddy-duddy; I hold the self-proclaimed record for being the World’s Oldest Living Teenager and I intend to keep it that way.”

Care about your own opinion above anyone else’s

“I never tried to fit in. It’s not that I went out of my way to be a rebel or do things that were not socially acceptable — unfortunately, I did have to learn how to play bridge when I was younger — but I learned early on that I have to be my own person to be content,” she says.

“If you have to be all things to all people, you end up being ‘nothin’ to nobody.′ The way I dress may be ‘different’ or ‘eccentric’ to some who feel the need to label, but that’s of no concern to me. I don’t dress to be stared at; I dress for myself. When you don’t dress like everyone else, you don’t have to think like everyone else.” 

But don’t isolate yourself, either

“Here’s the critical part: I know I’m not an island, but rather part of the main, to paraphrase [the poet] Mr. John Donne. I fit in, but in my way. I have never been much of a conformist on any front, actually, and it hasn’t hurt me yet in my ninety-some years, so I think I’ve been doing something right...But if you don’t try to be part of things, forget it. That’s when your originality is going to work against you. Fit in first and then step out. There is a difference between being perceived of as original and being accepted, even loved for it, and being perceived as different and resented for it. You can have your cake and eat it, too.” 

Money doesn’t buy success

“If you’re happy, have found love, are surrounded by good people, doing what you like and giving back to others, that’s success. Selling your soul for a buck is not worth the real price you pay — not to me, anyways,” says Apfel.

Style is not about spending money

“Style is not about wearing expensive clothes. You can have all kinds of money and have no style at all. You can be dressed in the latest couture, shod in ten-thousand-dollar shoes and be baubled to the nines, and look like a Christmas tree,” she writes. “It’s not what you wear but how you wear it.

“I’m just as happy to wear bangles that cost me three dollars as I am to wear valuable pieces — and I like to mix high and low, putting things together to wear as the spirit moves me. When you try to hard to have style, you look uncomfortable, like you’re wearing a costume, like the clothes are entering the room before you do. If you’re uptight, you won’t be able to carry off even a seemingly perfect outfit. If that’s happening, I say abandon the whole thing. It’s better to be happy than well dressed.”

Start new endeavours with one small step

“You only fail if you do not try,” says Apfel. 

“I never thought that I couldn’t do something because I was a woman. I wanted to start a fabric business, so I just figured out how to do it. If I and thought about opening Old World Weavers too much, I probably wouldn’t have pursued my dream. Sometimes you just have to take action, even if it is a small step. In my ninety-some years of walking planet Earth, I have applied this philosophy to living — and dressing — and it has never steered me wrong.”

Don’t pretend you are younger than you are

“There’s nothing wrong with wrinkles. When you’re older, trying to look years younger is foolish, and you’re not fooling anyone. When you’re seventy-five and you get a face-lift, nobody is going to think you are thirty,” she says. 

There's nothing wrong with your wrinkles "To me, wrinkles are a badge of courage. If God is good to you and gives you all those years, why try to hide it? I don't believe in plastic surgery unless, God forbid, you're in an accident or you were born with a nose like Pinocchio. Otherwise, just to be nipped and tucked? It's so foolish, because after a while you get to look so pinched and nobody is going to think that you're 27 if you're 72. 

You can't make your hands look younger. And what's wrong with white hair?

Age is just a number - It's a matter of the way you look at things. I know 30-year-old people who are old and 90-year-old people who are young. 

Everything is your attitude. When you think about things a certain way, you look a certain way.”